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The Impact on Family
The move from independent living to life in a nursing home requires a big adjustment. Although nursing home care is intended to provide a safer and more comfortable environment for an elderly or frail individual, he or she may focus instead on the unwelcomed changes that come with the move. Placing a loved one in a nursing home can also be traumatic for the family, stirring painful emotions and straining relationships.
A Stressful Experience
Surveys show that many adult children of elderly parents participate in their care in some way. Whether that support comes in the form of personal care or financial assistance (or both), many say the additional responsibility is a major source of stress.
Although putting a loved one in a nursing home can bring relief from the demands of physical care, it won't free you entirely from the stress of caring for an aging parent. If you're the main person in charge of your parent's affairs, you'll still have to deal with financial matters and other details, along with making time for visits and communicating with the nursing home staff. And even if distance or other circumstances prevent you from assuming a hands-on role in your parent's care, having a parent in a nursing home can be a stress-filled experience.
Guilt and Anxiety
No matter how much you've done for your parent or how necessary the move to a nursing home is, you may experience nagging guilt feelings such as:
- You should do more.
- You should find a better nursing home for your parent.
- You should honor the promise you made long ago, that you would never put your parent in a nursing home.
- You should visit more often.
- You shouldn't feel relieved that your parent is in a nursing home.
Anxiety is also common among family members of nursing home patients. You may be anxious about the level or quality of care your parent is receiving, or the cost of that care. You may worry that you, too, could wind up in a nursing home one day, or wonder how you'll make room in your busy schedule for a visit to your loved one.
Family Relationships
Even in the best of times, family relationships are complex and sometimes difficult. But when you add a major stressor into the mix - such as placing a parent in a nursing home - things can turn ugly very quickly.
In an all-too-familiar scenario, the primary caregiver may feel that her siblings aren't doing enough to help out. Her siblings, on the other hand, may feel left out or question the job she's doing. Clearly, this sets the stage for emotional disaster.
Fortunately, with a little planning, such explosive situations can be tamed, and family relationships can be saved. Many people have traveled the path you're on. By taking a cue from their experience, family members can learn to successfully cope with the stress of placing a loved one in a nursing home.
Resources
http://www.hospicefoundation.org/teleconference/ books/lwg2002/keay.asp
http://www.agingcarefl.org/caregiver/fourStages/ stageThree/section03/coping
http://www.usatoday.com/money/perfi/eldercare/2007-06-24-elder-care-cover_N.htm
http://assisted-living.aplaceformom.com/articles/moving-elderly-parents/